Placeholder Girlfriend

You say you love me
But maybe you just love
A warm body in bed next to you
A pretty face to look at
How can I be sure that I am more?
That when you see me
You look beyond the hair, face, and body
That you see what's inside
That sometimes my jokes
Mask my insecurities
My laughter
Hides my pain
How do I know
That you see all this - and more
That I am not just a pretty face
And a warm embrace
While you wait for something else
Something better
Something different
How do I know if it's me
That you've always been waiting for?

Haunted

Images from the past
Can't erase them from my mind
Every time I close my eyes
There is the picture of that ring
It's not the ring that keeps me awake
In my over used, over stressed mind
It's what that ring represents
A reminder that I wasn't the first
This idea haunts me
I wasn't the first...
How does that one little reminder
Of this seemingly obvious fact
Put my heart on it's little hamster wheel
Fluttering about, keeping me awake
Is it possible that I'm afraid
That if I wasn't the first
I won't be the last either?
Is it possible that my female logic is so flawed
That the past, constant and irrevocable
Makes me unsure of my future?
Making sleep as elusive as a ninja
Why can't my heart feel
What my brain knows
That together
We're making our own future
I repeat it to myself
I feel strong, calm
But when I close my eyes
I still see that ring