Haunted

Images from the past
Can't erase them from my mind
Every time I close my eyes
There is the picture of that ring
It's not the ring that keeps me awake
In my over used, over stressed mind
It's what that ring represents
A reminder that I wasn't the first
This idea haunts me
I wasn't the first...
How does that one little reminder
Of this seemingly obvious fact
Put my heart on it's little hamster wheel
Fluttering about, keeping me awake
Is it possible that I'm afraid
That if I wasn't the first
I won't be the last either?
Is it possible that my female logic is so flawed
That the past, constant and irrevocable
Makes me unsure of my future?
Making sleep as elusive as a ninja
Why can't my heart feel
What my brain knows
That together
We're making our own future
I repeat it to myself
I feel strong, calm
But when I close my eyes
I still see that ring

Brandy

Strength
(Jan. 2011)
Somehow life goes on
Without you
I still cry
But I also laugh
love
and hope
Without you
Although my heart still hurts
I surprise myself
by not allowing the pain
to rule my life
I miss you every day
But I radiate
Strength
Confidence
and Courage
I thought my world was ending
But somehow I find the will
Inside myself
And life goes on
Without you


Resolution
(February 2011)
Everywhere I look
I still see you

I am doing okay
My life continues on

I took your pillows off the bed
They lie on the livingroom floor

Your clothes hang in the closet
Your picture is on the wall

Everywhere I look
I see a ghost of you

It's hard to move on
When your presence lingers

I finished your laundry
I stacked your mail

I wait for you


Past & Present
(March 2011)
Do you ever stop
And think about me
Do you have any regrets
Did you ever realize
When you used to beg me
Not to leave you
That someday
You would leave me
I know that you left me stronger
More open and loving than before
I am independent and happy
But sometimes I still miss you
And sometimes I am angry at you
For breaking your promise to me
You promised me forever
And yet you left
Even as I live my life
I wonder
About what no longer is
I don't regret a single day we spent together
But I wonder if you regret
The days we don't


Goodbye
(April 2011)
I'm not going to erase the years
As if they never happened
Because they did
And they were amazing
But now
Things feel different
Maybe it's because I have moved on
Or maybe I just don't know how to trust you
Anymore
All I know
Is that right now
Your problems are no longer mine
I do hope that we'll keep in touch
But for now I need time
Maybe someday in the future
I'll find a friend in you
But for now
It's just goodbye