Cheap

Cheap
(May 2011)
Last night you fucked me
But today
You talk about taking some girl out
On a date
You never took me on a date
It makes me feel like a piece of meat
You call me when you are horny
You ask for naked pictures of me
When I ask if we can date
You tell me that right now
You can't
But a few weeks later
You tell me about some other girl
That you might date
And I feel like a slut
I wish you would notice
More than my epic rack
I wish you saw me as
Smart - funny - compassionate
You see enough of that
To keep me as a friend
But somehow I'm still not
"Girlfriend material"
I'm just a good time
I don't know how to make you see
What else I have to offer
But I do have a message
For all the assholes out there
Who, over the years, have made me feel cheap:
You have certainly missed out
On the best part of me!

Last Night

Last Night
(May 2011)
Another sleepless night
Five hours I lay there
In bed - completely still
Except for tears leaking down my cheeks
Last night
Life overwhelmed me
I didn't know what was wrong
I only knew how I felt
Sick - confused - hurt
This morning - in the light of day
I think I can see
What was bothering me
Such little things
-News of an ex
-A comment from a far away friend
-Cravings for attention from my crush
-Secrets dying to be told
And no one to talk to
All such little things
Alone, none of them would get to me
But together
They triggered similar emotions
Rejection - inadequacy - lonliness
And there I lay
For five hours
Wondering why I felt
So alone

My Page

My Page
(April 2011)
I’m trying to find the words
To tell you how I feel
I don’t know if I can just be
Your “fuck buddy”
Don’t you know
I am an idealist
And I tend to think I can
Have my cake - and eat it too
Just to be clear
- I don’t want pressure
- I don’t want commitment
But along with the passion
I want romance
I want to go dancing
And make out in public
I want to hold hands
And smile at each other
For no reason at all
I want to lay in bed in the morning
Touching each other - laughing
Arguing about who’s funnier
And whose body parts “win”
I don't want to announce it to the world
But I also don't want to feel
Like your dirty little secret
I just want to date
For thirty days
And in the end
You will be you
And I will be me
And we - will still be friends

An Hour and a Half

An Hour and a Half
(April 10, 2011)
The world is turning
My mind is spinning
My body is shaking
My thoughts are buzzing
My impatience is merely a side effect
Of having so much to do
And so little time
For 6 days
I forgot to breathe
I didn’t know how to slow down
The dizziness didn’t subside
It’s like my brakes were broken
And I couldn’t stop
Then you caught me
Just barely
We talked, flirted, and laughed
Stopped filtering our thoughts
And laughed some more
And slowly
My world came into focus
By the time we said goodbye
I was smiling and breathing
I felt calm and still
For the first time in a week
I don’t know how you did that
From so many miles away
But I just want to say
Thank you