Moving On

Moving On
(May 2011)
I wish things could be the way they used to be
I wish you had never left me
I wish you had never broken my heart
But all I can do is move forwards
You promised you'd never leave me
I even have it in writing
Sometimes love takes work
But you gave up on love
Gave up on me
You told me not to wait
You told me to move on
I did
And now you hate me for it
But as much as I miss how we were
I know I deserve so much more
You are right in the end
All we did was fight
And all I wanted was to be fought for
Like you did in the beginning
Because if you hadn't asked me not to
I would have spend my life
Fighting for you

Does She Know

Does She Know
(May 2011)
I hear you have a new girlfriend
I'm just wondering
If she knows what she's in for
Does she know your family
They are insane and unstable
And definitely full of drama
But also lovable
Does she know your Pop abused you
And that everyone else in your family
Continues the pattern of abusive relationships
Does she know how sometimes
You are afraid to tell the truth
Because you fear being judged
Does she know that when life feels our of control
You cut yourself
Does she know that sometimes music keeps u alive
And fallout boy is one of your favorite bands
Does she know you regret moving
And how you feel like a third wheel now
Does she know
That you are still in love with me?

Compulsive

Compulsive
(April 2011)
You spin lies like a web
Little strands of lie
Connected by pieces of the truth
But eventually you forget
Which strands are connected to lies
And which are connected to the truth
You pick your way through the lies
Trying to find your way out
You know what you're doing is wrong
But in your confused twisted mind
You don't understand the lies you're spinning
And you are surprised when you get caught
By the stickyness of your lies
The web pulls you in and holds you
You can't find your way out of this maze
Of truths, half-truths, and complete lies
Now the only way to get out of these lies
Is to tear down the whole web
To admit what you've done - but you can't
You don't know what you are doing anymore
You are out of control
The only way out is to bear the truth
Admitting who you've become
Is not who you want to be

Darkness

Darkness
(Feb. 2011)
I’m still not dressed
My hair is a mess
My eyes – are red from crying
No, I am not dying
Life will go on
The curtains need not stay drawn
Outside – The sun is brght
Eventually, everything will be alright
But for now – It is my time to grieve
For the lovers who had to leave
So up I curl – with blankets over my head
Enjoying my soft bed
Waiting – for the heaviness to lift
Then I will remember: life is a gift

Brandy

Strength
(Jan. 2011)
Somehow life goes on
Without you
I still cry
But I also laugh
love
and hope
Without you
Although my heart still hurts
I surprise myself
by not allowing the pain
to rule my life
I miss you every day
But I radiate
Strength
Confidence
and Courage
I thought my world was ending
But somehow I find the will
Inside myself
And life goes on
Without you


Resolution
(February 2011)
Everywhere I look
I still see you

I am doing okay
My life continues on

I took your pillows off the bed
They lie on the livingroom floor

Your clothes hang in the closet
Your picture is on the wall

Everywhere I look
I see a ghost of you

It's hard to move on
When your presence lingers

I finished your laundry
I stacked your mail

I wait for you


Past & Present
(March 2011)
Do you ever stop
And think about me
Do you have any regrets
Did you ever realize
When you used to beg me
Not to leave you
That someday
You would leave me
I know that you left me stronger
More open and loving than before
I am independent and happy
But sometimes I still miss you
And sometimes I am angry at you
For breaking your promise to me
You promised me forever
And yet you left
Even as I live my life
I wonder
About what no longer is
I don't regret a single day we spent together
But I wonder if you regret
The days we don't


Goodbye
(April 2011)
I'm not going to erase the years
As if they never happened
Because they did
And they were amazing
But now
Things feel different
Maybe it's because I have moved on
Or maybe I just don't know how to trust you
Anymore
All I know
Is that right now
Your problems are no longer mine
I do hope that we'll keep in touch
But for now I need time
Maybe someday in the future
I'll find a friend in you
But for now
It's just goodbye