Haunted

Images from the past
Can't erase them from my mind
Every time I close my eyes
There is the picture of that ring
It's not the ring that keeps me awake
In my over used, over stressed mind
It's what that ring represents
A reminder that I wasn't the first
This idea haunts me
I wasn't the first...
How does that one little reminder
Of this seemingly obvious fact
Put my heart on it's little hamster wheel
Fluttering about, keeping me awake
Is it possible that I'm afraid
That if I wasn't the first
I won't be the last either?
Is it possible that my female logic is so flawed
That the past, constant and irrevocable
Makes me unsure of my future?
Making sleep as elusive as a ninja
Why can't my heart feel
What my brain knows
That together
We're making our own future
I repeat it to myself
I feel strong, calm
But when I close my eyes
I still see that ring

Last Night

Last Night
(May 2011)
Another sleepless night
Five hours I lay there
In bed - completely still
Except for tears leaking down my cheeks
Last night
Life overwhelmed me
I didn't know what was wrong
I only knew how I felt
Sick - confused - hurt
This morning - in the light of day
I think I can see
What was bothering me
Such little things
-News of an ex
-A comment from a far away friend
-Cravings for attention from my crush
-Secrets dying to be told
And no one to talk to
All such little things
Alone, none of them would get to me
But together
They triggered similar emotions
Rejection - inadequacy - lonliness
And there I lay
For five hours
Wondering why I felt
So alone